


Did You Never Want To Be Alone?

by buzzedbee20



Category: White Collar
Genre: 6x06 spoilers, Angst, F/M, Post-Finale, Reunion Fic, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 21:43:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3826114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzedbee20/pseuds/buzzedbee20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Peter came home with news that shook up their fragile balance, Elizabeth made a decision of her own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did You Never Want To Be Alone?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: None, besides 6x06 spoilers, obviously  
> Rating: PG  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own White Collar or its awesome characters  
> A/N: So much thanks to @NYWCgirl for the beta help! I gotta shout her out first because I nervous to finally write this story, but with her help I got it where I wanted it! I humbly submit it for your reading pleasure.  
> A/N2: This story and title was inspired by the Fall Out Boy song "Jet Pack Blues"

Elizabeth Burke stood on the corner of the alley, waiting for her target to arrive. She’d been standing there for about half an hour, watching, waiting. She’d already been to about three corners just like this one, waiting to see his face. Looking at the sky, clouds seemed to be gathering. Just her luck, she would forget to bring an umbrella. The wind picked up, and she pulled her fashionable trench coat around herself tighter. This corner, like the others, was a bust. She walked around the corner, and strolled up the street, still scanning. Then she saw it, 100 feet away, a fedora. 

Not only that, but the man in it. She stopped frozen in place. He was turned away from her, looking at a display outside a shop window, and her fear and excitement almost had her calling out his name. He started walking again before she knew it was happening, and the closer he got the more her silent panic grew. She wasn’t in his way, specifically, but she was in his line of sight, and Neal always knew when eyes were on him. He glanced at her, smiled and nodded, and kept going. In the time it took him to freeze in place and do a double take, Elizabeth had disappeared back into the safety of her alley. Thankfully she was wearing a pair of large, fashionable sunglasses, and she didn’t think he’d had enough time to recognize her.

She retreated further into the cover of the alley just in case, and breathed heavily, praying that he didn’t follow her. She gave it about five minutes before taking a settling breath and preparing herself to do some recon. She fished in her small black purse and pulled out the inconspicuously powerful binoculars she was given before leaving home. They were complicated to unfold, and while she fiddled with them, she thought about the decisions that led her to that dim alley in Paris in the first place. 

~~~~

_Peter came bursting through the front door, causing Satchmo to run out of the kitchen and Neal to whimper and squirm in Elizabeth’s arms._

_“Hon, where are you?” Peter shouted, and El could hear the elation in his voice. She came out of the kitchen to greet her husband._

_“We’re right here, Peter, what’s got you so excited?” Peter looked like the sun was shining, specifically on his face as he scooped their son out of her arms and lifted him into the air, causing Neal to squeal in delight._

_“Peter, tell me, what’s going on?”_

_He hoisted the baby onto his hip and started speaking animatedly “It’s- It’s Neal, he’s alive-or at least I think, I’m pretty sure, he left clues and-”_

_“Peter, Oh my God that’s amazing!” If Peter was this happy about anything, it had to be about Neal. Tears came to her eyes, as he grabbed her into a suffocating hug, with their son in between them. They stayed that way, breathing together, until Neal started squirming again, not liking being squished, even if it was between Mommy and Daddy._

_“Oh, sorry buddy,” Peter said to their son, bouncing him up and down and walking over to the couch to sit._

_“So where is he? What are you going to do now?” Elizabeth asked, knowing the answer._

_“Well, he’s in France, I’m pretty sure, so I’m gonna put in for some leave, and check my passport, and get a ticket tonight so that I can-ouch Neal, no,” Peter said as his son yanked his tie. He looked at the baby, and looked at his wife, and El could tell the moment when reality hit Peter again, the baby in his arms a reminder that his life now wasn’t what it was._

_“Hon, what’s wrong?” she asked, leaving the spot where she was leaning against the bookshelf to sit next to Peter._

_“I can’t- I can’t just jump and go. I can’t do that to you or Neal. It doesn’t-it’s not fair to either of you. And this could just be another dead end. I can’t just leave you not knowing if…” If Neal was alive or not._

_Elizabeth didn’t need Peter to finish his sentence. The look on his face was a familiar one. The same look of emptiness and despair that had adorned his face almost every day for the past year. It was reminiscent of the days and sometimes weeks that Peter had taken off work, running down leads of where Neal might be, talking to his old acquaintances and trying to find clues. Peter would come home, tired and disappointed, and at times it felt like they had lost Neal all over again. In the beginning, Mozzie had been there, but their short friend had given up the search long before Peter had. She hadn’t seen or talked to him in months._

_Peter glanced at her and looked down, trying to hide his emotions from her discerning gaze._

_“Peter, it’s okay. This is something you have to do.” She put her hand on her husband’s arm, trying to bring him back to the here and now. “There’s no reason for you not to go.”_

_“I know El,” Peter replied, his voice thick with emotion. “It’s just, if he’s not really, I couldn’t- I can’t-” Neal sensed the shift in his father’s mood and started to fuss. “I’m sorry, hon,” Peter said, shoving the baby into her arms and getting up._

_“Peter, wait,” she called after him, but he had gone back out the door before she could get up. She wanted to go after him, but the slamming door caused Neal to start crying fully by then, and she was reminded that she was heating his evening bottle before Peter came in._

_As she soothed her son, and went back into the kitchen she started thinking. Of course Peter would go, but he needed some time to sort out his emotions. He’d be back soon, and they’d talk about it then. El sat Neal in his high chair and gave him his bottle before going to the fridge to start dinner._

_~~~~_

_She heard Peter come in long after dinner was over, while she was giving Neal his bath. The door closed quietly, in complete contrast to earlier that evening. To Elizabeth it could have been a dream. A glimpse into the type of life she imagined they would have before Neal was born. Of course, she had never imagined Neal Caffrey wouldn’t be a part of that life._

_The Peter she saw earlier was nothing like the one she had gotten used to over the last year. That Peter was gone, and the morose, quiet Peter Burke was watching her bathe Neal from the bathroom door._

_Neal splashed happily when he saw Peter, and he watched the baby with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. His smiles never did._

_They went through the motions of getting Neal ready for bed, and after Peter laid Neal down, He met her downstairs, where she was heating up the dinner plate she’d saved for him in the microwave._

_Peter sat down at the kitchen island and waited for her. He was ready to talk._

_~~~~_

_A few days later, Elizabeth was lying in bed with Peter. He would be leaving for Paris in 6 hours. He was tense even in sleep. She couldn’t sleep at all. After talking with Peter, he had decided to go to Paris after all. It had taken a considerable amount of prodding from Elizabeth for him to agree._

_They both had a significant amount of doubt about the situation. It had been a year, and Neal hadn’t tried to contact them. He very well could be dead. Even if he was alive, there was no guarantee that he would be willing or able to come back to New York. Both of those outcomes would break Peter beyond repair, especially after everything he’d been through in the past year._

_Though he was sleeping better now, her husband still had the occasional nightmares, and the survivor’s guilt he carried with him daily weighed him down like an anchor that had threatened to engulf them both. Peter was present but barely functioning by the time Neal was born, but it wasn’t until after his birth that things had started to change for the better. It was a slow process but Peter was healing, and she knew in her heart that he wouldn’t recover if he went to Paris and Neal wasn’t there._

_She couldn’t let that happen to her husband._

_She stroked Peter’s face before getting out of bed, and quickly headed into the closet to dress. If she were honest with herself, this was her plan the entire time. She kissed Peter on the side of his face before leaving the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Before going downstairs she went into Neal’s room. She stood looking into her son’s crib, afraid to touch him, lest she wake him._

_It was the first time she was leaving him. But she trusted Peter with their son. Before walking out she left the letter she had written earlier in the day in the baby’s crib where Peter was sure to find it. She hoped he could understand what she was doing._

_Elizabeth headed downstairs and quietly went into the kitchen, where she went into the pantry and silently removed an invisible panel behind a lower shelf that held canned goods. She pulled out the small black bag and cell phone that resided there. She hit 7 on the speed dial and waited until it picked up before speaking._

_“Moz, I need your help.”_

~~~~

She could see Neal through the cafe’s window. His back was to her, and there were about three people in front of him. She shifted her gaze from the window to the tables outside the cafe and spotted an empty one on the corner of the building. Far enough from the street to be hidden, but close enough to the cafe that Neal would see her. A quick check through the window showed her that Neal had moved up one place in line. She took her chance and walked quickly to her table of choice.

She sat down with her purse in her lap, smoothing out invisible wrinkles and trying to figure out what she would say to Neal. What could she say? ‘Just checking to see if you were really alive?’ 

“Is this seat taken?” 

Too late now. She looked up and Neal was there, across the table from her, with his easy smile on his lips, but something like fright or disbelief in his eyes. El felt frozen, but even though words failed her, she gestured towards the seat with a half nod. 

Neal took a deep breath before sitting next to her. He scanned the area, not looking at her. Elizabeth followed suit, mostly because she didn’t know what to say, either. After a moment, her gaze traveled to his hand on the table, it was trembling slightly. She instinctually put her hand over Neal’s.

“You’re looking well,” she ventured at last. Neal huffed out a laugh before finally, finally, looking at her.

“I could say the same, but I’m still not sure whether or not this is a dream.” 

Of course, of course, he was expecting Peter. “Not the person you expected, I know. I’m sorry, Neal,” she said quietly. This had probably been a bad idea.

“No, no, you look wonderful,” Neal amended, turning to face Elizabeth, taking her hand in both of his. “I just thought…with the baby...”

“He’s with his father,” she said with a slight smile. She needed to explain why she was here. She needed to tell Neal what she couldn’t tell Peter. “Neal, Peter was supposed to come. I...changed his ticket at the last minute.” Not without a considerable hit to her emergency bugdet, her brain reminded her. She wanted to relish the pure astonishment on Neal’s face, but if she was going to explain she had to keep going.

“It’s been hard for us, this past year. Peter...isn’t the same. He hasn’t been the same since you...left.” she didn’t say “since you died. Since you died and killed my husband’s spirit too.” This wasn’t the time for recriminations. “We didn’t know if you were really here. If he came, and you weren’t here...I don’t think he could handle it.” 

“So, you left your family in the middle of the night with no warning,” Neal said matter-of-factly. She wanted to be insulted, and easily could have been, but his face showed only remorse. 

“I wanted-needed to, I had to see you for myself.” She looked at him with determination in her eyes. Neal only looked sad. “Mozzie helped, of course.” His quick smile at the mention of his friend disappeared as fast as it came as he began talking. 

“So now what, I guess you want me to come back? And just go back to living the same way, as if nothing happened? I can’t do that Elizabeth, you would all be in danger because of me. You might not understand that, but I made this choice to keep you safe.” He made to get up, but she grabbed his arm. 

“Neal please, that’s not what I want,” she pleaded with him. He stopped tugging his arm and looked down at her. 

“What do you want then, El? Why are you here?” His words hurt, but she knew the pain he was speaking out of. His face was tired, just like Peter’s. The weight of his decision had hurt him too, this past year. 

She waited until he sat down across from her to begin speaking. The sun cut a bright path through the thick, moving clouds, illuminating the windows of the parlor across the street, and further shrouding them in shadow. Neal looked past Elizabeth, but she knew he was listening. It was now or never. 

“Neal, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, and what happened when you were in our lives. I thought about the things I said to you, and the things I asked you to do for Peter, but I realized, I was really asking you to do them for me. I put you in difficult situations, and that was unfair.”

“No, El, you were protecting your family,” Neal said in dismay, as if she just admitted to shooting someone. “Don’t apologize, I made things difficult for you, I endangered your family.” He looked down at his lap, his hands twisting a napkin from the table. 

“Neal, don’t. You’re my family too. I hurt you, and I did it out of fear. And I’m sorry, Neal. And I won’t ask you to come back because that’s not my decision to make. It’s not mine and it’s not Peter’s, it’s yours. We’ll be okay no matter what you decide.” That was the reason she came instead of Peter. She could take it if she was going home alone. She would understand. 

Neal finally looked at her and smiled. “You, Peter and the baby.” 

She smiled back. “Yes, the baby,” Something in her mind unstuck and she quickly opened her purse and pulled out a picture. 

It had been taken by Elizabeth, just a month ago at Diana’s house, during Theo’s first birthday celebration. Peter had seemed happy, there, holding the baby and trying to keep his hands away from his cake. Baby Neal had looked over at her with a smile and she had to snap the picture, even if Peter wasn’t looking, he was smiling, and that was all that had mattered. She slid the picture over to Neal, who picked it up. 

“He’s beautiful, Elizabeth,” Neal said gazing at the picture. He scanned every inch of the photograph as though it were a piece of Renaissance art. Which to Neal, it might be. “What’s his name?” 

“We named him after our best friend,” Elizabeth stated plainly. “Look on the back.” She watched his eyes as he read the inscription in her handwriting, and then read it again. ‘Peter and Neal, 5 months’.

He flipped it back over and stared, then stared at her. “Elizabeth? No, that can’t be right,” But no matter how many times he turned the picture, the message wouldn’t change. Tears started to fall from his eyes and he quickly, but carefully laid the photo down, swiping at his eyes with the piece of napkin in his lap. 

“You can’t, no,” Neal couldn’t verbalize his emotions, but Elizabeth didn’t need him to. She got closer to him and put her hand on his knee.

“That’s Neal Michael Burke, and he’s sweet and funny, and just as much of a handful as his namesake,” Elizabeth said, smiling and picking up the picture. Neal couldn’t help his watery chuckle at that.

“I bet Peter’s got his hands full,” Neal said, looking at the picture again. 

“Yeah, he does. You should have seen the first time Neal peed on him, I thought he would fall over in shock!” 

Neal did laugh at that, and Elizabeth gave in to the urge to hug him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, and Neal responded in kind. 

“I’ve missed you,” He said into her shoulder. When they separated, their eyes were both red, but he was smiling a real smile. 

“We miss you too Neal, but don’t decide what you want to do right now.” El took a pen out of her bag and started scribbling on the back of the picture. “That’s my cell phone right now. My flight leaves tomorrow night.”

Neal looked at it, and then tried to hand the picture back. 

“No, that’s for you. You keep it. Call me when you’re ready.” As much as she hated it, she knew it was time to go. She gathered her coat around her and kissed the top of Neal’s head before walking back out to the street. The clouds were back, and the street looked gloomy again. Elizabeth wanted to look back but forced herself not to. She had done what she needed to do. The rest was up to Neal. 

~~~~

It was raining on the day of her flight. Elizabeth hadn’t heard from Neal at all, and as much as she wanted to wait another day, she knew that it would be futile. Still, as she readied herself to go home, she took as much time as possible. 

It wasn’t until she was standing under the awning of the hotel, waiting for her taxi, that she heard her name being called. 

“Elizabeth!” Neal was running toward her with an umbrella, trying to get to her before she left. 

“Neal!” She said excitedly, and wrapped him in a hug despite his dampness as he closed the umbrella. 

He returned the hug, but backed up quickly. “There’s not much time,” he said sadly, “but this is for Peter.” He pressed an envelope into her hand. “I wish I could come but…” 

“I understand Neal,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s for the best. Hold on.” 

She secured the envelope and quickly pulled out her cell phone before tugging Neal closer to her. “Getting evidence for Peter?” He asked jovially.

“You know it. Smile.” She said as she snapped a photo, and then another. “He won’t believe it unless he sees it.” 

“That’s the Peter I know and love.” 

Her taxi arrived then, and Elizabeth couldn’t help but think Neal timed his arrival perfectly. Her suspicion was only confirmed when Neal said “You’re ride’s here.” and opened the umbrella before leading her to the taxi, opening the door for her as the driver got out of the car to retrieve her bags. 

The rain was still coming down hard as they shared one last hug. 

“I’ll see you soon,” she said with conviction, kissing Neal on the cheek before letting him go to get into the taxi. 

He closed the door behind her and put his hand on the window and shared one last look with Elizabeth before walking away. 

As the vehicle started to move, Elizabeth looked back, but as she suspected, Neal was gone. 

She put her hand into her inside pocket and felt Neal’s envelope there. She knew that if wouldn’t be the same as him coming back with her, but she could say with conviction that whatever message it held from Neal, along with her pictures, would go a long way in helping Peter to recover. 

They could work out the rest on their next visit.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to use this little space to say that I love this fandom. I'm an avid fic reader, but when I found the WC fandom I just fell in love with the artistry that I found, and I was inspired to start writing again as well. I'm excited that I am able to contribute to the fandom, even in this small way. And I hope everyone keeps writing fic because I will keep reading it! <3


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